i'm in love...
with salsa...
plucking up the courage to head down to hard rock by myself last thurs...
it was a very 'releasing' experience..
to finally be able to look at my instuctor in the eyes and say 'i went social dancing'
when i saw my instructor grinning at me and giving me pat on the back made it even more worthwhile...
but of course..
the real 'release' is being asked to dance by guys whom i dunno at all..
and to actually heck care that i am making a fool of myself...
i couldn't catch the lead, i did almost everything that was NOT wat the guy want me to do..
but hey, i had fun...
i laughed,i spun, i twirled...some guy even 'dipped' me...
and when i left, i felt like i finally am having fun after a very long time..

but...
insecurity still shrouds me...
as i wonder if these guys are gonna avoid me at all costs when i go again this thurs..
maybe i'll be labelled as 'the girl who can't dance' at hard rock...
*grimace*
oh well...
even if that happens..
i guess i can take comfort that at least i had the chance to dance with a few guys...
and to finally realise that i really suck at catching leads...

hopefully
it'll all come with practice..
and my instructor (and his 'gang' of good male dancers whom he asked to dance with me) assured me that i am doing fine..just too nervous..
perhaps after a few more social dancing experiences..
i can stop blushing like an idiot..
stop grinning like an idiot..
stop saying 'sorry sorry' like an idiot..
basically...
stop being an idiot..

today's training was to learn the neck drop (or something like that)
training's getting tougher...
and requiring more and more time commitment...
i see my dream slowly unfurling before me...
with each training sesison...
i feel the dancer in me coming more alive...
but...
insecurity haunts me at all times..
perhaps..i have a dancer in me..
but...
is this dancer...a salsa dancer?
i really dunno...
but i've come so far..
i've fallen in love with this totally new dance to me...
and so...
i'll keep going...
and keep trying...
and perhaps..
one day...
you will see me performing...

perhaps..perhaps...perhaps...