so i thot this week is gonna zoom past before my eyes....
well, cos usually when there's something to look forward to, time flies a teensy bit faster yeah?
and i still keep that hope alive, wondering when will time accelerate and bring me to the weekend...
but today...
a little bit of my hope died...
a little bit of my energy leaked...
and like a balloon slowly losing air...
i feel deflated..
*ppffftttt*

it's something to do with anticipation
and then getting disillusioned...
in the most obvious form of fact that one has to learn to face...
as a well-meaning colleagues (well, more like well-meaning colleagues) and many well-meaning friends emphasised and re-emphasised the one point i hate to know, but have to know...
and as once again, i embark on the journey of detangling myself from my barrage of emotions and attachments...
the enthusiasm i started with is draining rapidly...
now as i sit here...
completely flaccid in my lower limbs after the usual stair climbing ex...
nursing an effused left knee which is throbbing and aching..
and nursing a migraine which feels like someone is trying to tear the left half of my brain out..
i wonder...
whether i can actually do it...
the anger i built up is slowly losing its fire...
just mere glowing embers barely able to radiate any warmth...
as i walked away from that place and into the elevator...
i had to remind myself the same fact that's been repeated to me over and over again...
and as i stepped back into the physio office...
i have to admit to myself...
that it ain't gonna happen...
this will remain with me for as long as i live (or as long as i dun become demented)...
forgetting it is not an option...
but i will keep trying..
to lock it up and stuff it to the back of my mind...
just so that even though it will haunt me for a long long time...
at least...
it'll partially contained and controlled...

i am officially very sad, very angry, very tired and very very demoralised...