it's wednesday...
and i am already dreading the weekend...
yes, i am crazy...
i am dreading the weekend..
because...it's yet another boring weekend...
except for buffet on sat with a friend...
and going to guang ming shan on sun with parents to pay respects to my granny and great grandmother...

yes,i am still bored...
much to everyone's disgust/surprise...
cos i am learning salsa..
i should feel happier..
that's what learning new things do right?
yeah...
i am happy during the class..
and perhaps..after the class...
but point being that...
the weekend remains as a big gaping hole in my life...
at this point in time...
i realised that i pretty much had something planned for the weekend since i started work..
though most of the time i spent the weekends with my parents..
last weekend had been kinda okay...
worked on sat and going to colleague's place which was absolutely beautiful...
so, the weekend flew past...
but now...
as i enter the 2nd half of this week...
i am beginning to dread the weekend...
maybe working on weekends isn't a bad idea...
but..i am also really exhausted...
covering the ICU for my boss who's on leave..
granted i only saw 5 patients there...
but, it was somehow very tiring...
is this how all newbies feel??

a familiar longing...
and an even more familiar sense of desolation...
a few people keep telling me to be happy...
because...
everyone likes happy people...
and cos if i want to attract the opposite gender..
happy girls are more attractive...
i know that's true...
yet somehow...
it feels wrong to be smiling and being happy...
when all i really want to do..
is to dig a hole and bury myself...
and somehow...
i can't forget how i get more sympathy when i was depressed...

life goes on...
my patients continue to reject my treatment...
and my friends continue to reject my suggestions to go out and chill...
working life sucks...
working life of a single girl sucks more...
working life of a single girl with quarelling parents sucks even more...
unfortunately...
i happen to belong to category 3...

sadness....