hectic hectic hectic...
yet today, i din even hit the quota
but i feel like if i have to stand or walk in the next 5 mins,
my legs will give way...

i dun like feeling so stressed up..
was on the verge of tears this morning...
as i was writing out the list of patients to see...
and on the verge of tears for most of the day...
even right now...
i feel like if i just let go of all control...
i can burst out crying...
that's me...
stress = cry
angry = cry
sad = cry
sick = cry
everything also cry...sighz...

it's a feeling of incompetency...
not the first time i felt it...
during clinics, this kind of feeling hits u very often..
now as a supposedly fully qualified physio..
i still feel so incompetent...
and i am getting all freaked out about all those competency tests...
i dun think i am up to it..
i think i am a lousy physio..and i am a failed physio...
i feel blue..
i want a big big hug...
i need someone to hold me and tell me that i am not useless..

but all i can do...
is to hold back the tears and pretend to be brave and strong
for the sake of my patients...

tears...are for later...
for the time when i lie in bed and worry about tomorrow...
for the time when i hover between reality and dream...
for the time when i am all alone and allowed to show the vulnerable side of me...