the departures are starting to get me down...
as one by one...
the gals are leaving...
and even though i thought i would be used to friends leaving already...
somehow...this time...it's different
different because one year from now...
i would not be here...but be back home...working...
fear of change..fear of the future...
fear of what will happen, what may happen, what can happen...

i thought...i would be happy...
i thought...i would be excited...
yet all i feel now...
is that familiar longing for time to come to a standstill...
while i am typing this entry right here, right now...
because i am afraid to face what is coming ahead...
afraid of becoming a working adult...
because i'd rather be a student
who only need to worry abt getting good grades
whose greatest stress come from exams...
instead of the never-ending stress of unfinished work
unappreciated effort...
unrecognised achievements...

getting late...sleep is my route of escape..
escape from reality...
and from that gripping fear i feel..
each time i pack something into my suitcase...
each time i take something off the shelf...
and each and everytime i look at the blank naked walls of my room