mmm...i'm bored...

no one online is talking...

part of me wanna just turn off my comp and go sleep...

the other part...is just waiting...for someone???

perhaps...i am not too sure myself...
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long talk today with ruby...been so long since i've seen her until last night...and been so long since we two sit down and talk. i like the feeling of being able to click with someone...to speak my mind and be understood...to remain silent but not feel uncomfortable...

i always want to blend in with the others. trying so hard to blend in, sometimes i wish i am a non-living thing so i don't have to try anymore. other times, i try so hard, i wonder who am i trying to bluff into thinking that i can be like the others.

i dunno how to dress up....i can't dance...i am no clubber...i can't chatter away like they do and get excited about stuff that they do...i dun shop at the same shops...i like different things...and basically, i am so different from them, i have no idea why i even thought i can try to be like them. who am i kidding man...

so now,i basically just try and avoid group gatherings. i'd rather spend time with someone whom i can share a comfortable silence with...and not be caught in the midst of a crowded room and feel like wanting to hide into a hole. given a choice, i'd very much choose to be in the company of not more than 3 people.

still, social obligations exist. group gatherings are unavoidable...like it or not, i have to make an appearance here and there to keep other people happy. even though i may not be as happy, i guess a little self-sacrifice is warranted every now and then.

well, at least i hope that my appearance does make people happy...
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mmm....it's getting cold...

i need to shower...

and after that, i think it's time to rest my aching eyes

JC singing from my comp...a part of me is happy to just sit and listen...

and that other part of me is still silently waiting...

for a 'somebody'...