forgot to post pic up yesterday...so post one up today. this is probably the first time peileng and i kick the guys' beloved soccer ball at CS (BBQ #1). gosh..that was like 3 years ago. and the last time i touched a soccer ball was 5 months ago...looking back...time always seemed to have slipped past my fingers...looking ahead, time seems like an endless journey.

had a fantastic night out with Yivern. Dinner was YUMMY - beef hor fun!! then off to crown...had cake and mocha...then watch the famous Crown fire...it's the 2nd time i watched it with her. love the feeling of the heat spreading down from the air above all the way down to my toes. love the sight of the fire ball shooting into the sky and then disappearing into the inky black night. love having someone there with me to enjoy the sight, the warmth...

yet, as i sit here and type this entry, my mind wanders...and as it fleets from one memory to the next, my heart aches. helplessness fills me...loneliness digging its nails into my flesh...reminding me of the many chances i've passed. i regret...though i know regret brings me nowhere...but i do regret...

i should have taken the chance when it came...but i didn't...
i should have let go and took another path...but i didn't...
i should forget and move on...but i didn't...

and as the time passes, as i grapple with my emotions...i start to realise that life is indeed suffering...and it chills me to the bone that when i die, i may have to be reborn into this world...into this realm..and go through all these again.

as i have just said to YH on MSN:

it's one of those days....
whereby the one person i need...
is nowhere around..
and perhaps...even non-existent..

it is at times like this...i cannot remember why i broke up with my ex
and it is at times like this..i miss home alot..
and it is at times like this...i wish i can return to 4.5 years ago and redo everything again..

perhaps one day, i'll be rid of 'one of these days'...i'll not longer have 'at times like this'...
though right now..i have to say...
that i wish i have someone to hold my hands...
and let me know that...
even if the rest of the world think i am useless...
in his eyes...
i am still the girl he loves...
for whoever i was...
for whoever i am...
and for whoever i would be...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
那时，我们也是这样站在那儿，
看着火球染红了夜空，
感觉热气透过过了冰冷的空气，
暖和了你我的心。
那个时候，不知道你在想什么，在想着谁？
而那个时候，我表面上盼着他，
心里，却是不知觉地想着你。

[post note]:
因为失去了机会，
所以我自责，我后悔，我遗憾。
如今，似乎机会重现。
但因为迷失了勇气，
所以我恐慌，我犹豫，我彷徨。
以后，或许因缘都齐了。
也许因为找回了自我，
我就可以再次带着希望上路，
带着笑容面对这个残酷的世界。