emotional rollercoaster

these few weeks had been full of UPs and DOWNs. i feel like i am stuck on a malfunctioning roller coaster ride. and considering i am no fan of free falls...and my bad experience on thrill rides, i feel extremely nauseated and disoriented now.

i've done so much self reflections in the past weeks...and the top 10 conclusions i've come up with:

1)i need a makeover.
2)my wardrobe is due for an overhaul
3)stress management is an unknown strategy for me...
4)i give in too easily
5)i get upset too easily,usually cos i gave in...
6)my communication skills are non existent
7)my social skills are non existent
8)i make stupid comments that get on peoples' nerves
9)optimism is missing in my life
10)i haven't had a decent bday celebration since my 1st bday...

spent the night at germaine's place last night...and cos i was so FULL from dinner,i ended up lying on her mattress,warm and cosy beneath her quilt...and started thinking of many many things..lots of incidents...and then the tears came and for the first time since i quarelled with han wei,i cried myself to sleep.

i feel very disoriented right now...i dunno what to do. it seems like there's so many things in my life that needs to be improved...dress sense,wardrobe,social skills,communication skills,stress management skills etc etc etc. but i have no idea how to go about doing it. everyone in my life tells me i need to change...

which makes me really wonder:so was i like a total hopeless freak in the past? is that why i need to change almost every aspect of myself?

i have no idea when somone would fix this rollercoaster so that i can get off and resume my life with less confusion.

i'm lost..and desperately in need for some directions...but sadly,there doesn't seem to be anyone in sight for me to ask....nor any signs or maps i could refer to.