back from m'sia.had my durians, bak kut teh and wantan mee.played with my new baby niece and nephews. had fun, had laughter...and now,it's back to reality...
what's reality? 2 assignments that need to be edited and printed. stuff i need to buy to bring back to melb. need to start packing...and the most painful one of all...knowing that i only have 4 days left in singapore...knowing that this saturday,"spirit of Australia" is going to tear me away from my family...knowing that from this sunday onwards,the only way i can talk to han wei is through telephone with thousands of miles separating us.
wish han wei is here now to hold me while i try not to cry...
but Han Wei is stuck in camp for exercise. Life has to go all wrong at time when i am most vulnerable eh?!
the reality hit me so suddenly,i felt like all the happiness just get sucked out of me and disintegrated into millions of tiny particles..thrown into the air and get blown to god-knows-where.
what's left is a stressed-out,upset,depressed fat old lady, sitting in front of the comp right now typing this entry.
was reading germaine's blog abt her not coming back to Singapore. sometimes i wish i have her decisiveness and determination to not come back. but when Han Wei is telling me he miss me and wish i am back, i give in and though i get to enjoy his company,his hugs and kisses while i am here, the agony and pain of leaving is almost too much for me to bear.while germ is wishing she is here now,i am wishing i dun have to leave.sometimes i wonder which screw in my head has gone loose and caused me to decide to study in melbourne.
must be the one that stops me from making stupid decisions.
and which smart alec said separation gets easier? i want to grab that person's neck and wring it till his/her head come off.
and the fact that i have 2 assignments to do is not helping...nor does the fact that i have tonnes of household chores to do giving me any encouragement.
i need to sleep. sleep off the pain and sorrow gnawing my heart..sleep off the stress slicing my brain...sleep off the loneliness cutting my soul...
and sleep off the fear of going back to melbourne and being all alone...
1 comment:
hey gretz, u sure know how to sound pessimistic. of cos its hard to go back to melb but look on the bright side ok! must cherish what's left of ur stay in s'pore. it wun do u good mopping around ur house and to keep reminding urself constantly of the fact that u hav to return. Wah lau, at least be happie n make the most of the remaining days k?? im sort of okie now... trying to occupy myself with all sorts of crazy activities so that i wun feel sian at home. hehe ~
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